letters to Nathan

Dear Nathan, 

This week we officially nicknamed you "bug".  It is short for "bug-a-boo" and "love bug", and I personally think it fits you absolutely perfectly.  Daddy, on the other hand, is still coming around.  But I love nothing more than calling you bug.  

You are the happiest baby in the morning.  Some mornings you wake up quite fussy because you have gas, and you hate having gas.  But as soon as you're on your changing table I start singing "You are my sunshine" and you get the biggest smile on your face.  Your smile is the cutest ever because it takes over your entire face.  Your smile turns into a mouth-wide-open-nose-scrunched face and it sends my heart into another world.  I hope that you always wake up smiling, knowing that each day is new and holds so many possibilities for you. 

You also are starting to laugh, and it comes out as more of a squeal.  The reason why I love it so much is because you squeal when I talk to you and play with you.  You sure know how to melt your mamas heart already.  As much as you are growing bigger faster than I could imagine, I love the stage you're in.  And I love that I put a smile on your face and make you laugh, and pray that you always smile back at me.  

Our days together are more perfect than I could ever imagine.  You love being on your play mat looking up at the mobile, and you love when we do the "Itsy Bitsy Spider".  Our favorite book is We're Going On a Bear Hunt, and I can't wait until you are talking and singing along with me when we read the book.  Last night we finally got through Guess How Much I Love You at nighttime before you were way over it and ready to eat.  At the end I got teary eyed remembering grammy telling me "love you to the moon and back" when I was little.   

Daddy talks to you in silly voices, and has high hopes that you'll start crawling automatically.  He also loves sitting you down on his lap and just telling you what's going on in the world.  I love that you fell asleep on me many times this week, but as soon as I stand up it quickly ends and your eyes snap wide open.  

Our little bug, you have changed our lives more than we could ever have imagined.  I love that you have no idea about the hurt, pain, and devastation this world has.  That you are surrounded by people that love you more than you will ever know, and that you remind us to think about only the good in this life.  I pray that you always see the love and happiness that surrounds you! 

Love,

Mama and Daddy 

love your selfie

There's something you must know about me.

 I absolutely love the Today Show!  When my mom and I went to New York back in 2007 you betcha that we stood out in the rain for the Today Show.  And can I just say that those anchors wear the most amazing shoes.

There's something else you should know…I've always had a hard time with my body image.  I've constantly filled my life with lies that my body was lacking, imperfect, and not good enough.  And I know that I am not alone, in no way at all.  

So on Monday morning when the Today show talked about body image I was glued to the screen.  All of the anchors took off their make-up to show the world what they truly looked like, and shared what they thought about themselves.  I was so excited that a national program was filling the screen with real life, real struggles, and real people.  We need more TV like this!  

via

Anyways, one of my favorite anchors is the one and only Natalie Morales who described her body with the following two words:

strong and healthy

Not imperfect.  Not lacking.  But strong and healthy.  And I thought to myself how quickly I think of the things that need to change when I think about my body.  

What if we looked at what we liked instead of what we lacked?

What if we were so okay with who we were that we stopped comparing ourselves to others?

What if we sincerely complimented other women and spread this wild fire of seeing our beauty?  

What if we went a day without wearing makeup and were okay with that?  Not ashamed?

I think something pretty amazing would happen!

So I thought that I would start looking in the mirror and find at least one thing I love about myself.  Today I'm sharing five things I love about myself with you and encourage you to do the same:

my blue eyes

my thick and full hair

my strong arms

my pointy nose that I got from my grandma

my freckles 

What are five things you love about yourself?

this and that

Happy Monday!!  Wouldn't drinking a homemade almond cafe misto just brighten your day?  I think so.  Today I thought I'd share some posts/videos that I can't get enough of...

This post on motherhood is beyond beautiful, caused a lump in my throat, and is something I have definitely read more than a few times this week.

I followed this tutorial on how to blow-dry your hair like a pro as best as I could and had great results!  Do it!  You will just feel that much better when you look in the mirror :)

These boots keep pulling at my heart strings but I just don't know how to wear them????

Can we all just agree that this is epic???


This video made me tear up (maybe it's the hormones), and not the ugly mom tears.  As I watched it thinking about our sweet Nathan, I was just so overcome with the beauty this life holds for each and every child.  Kid President is pure genius!

newborn essentials

Aren't baby stretches the cutest?  I often find myself just staring at him in the mornings as he grunts and wiggles around with his eyes close.  And I know I'm biased, but he is one pretty darn cute kid.  So it is not very hard to stare at him all hours of the day.  

Today I wanted to share some "must-haves" that we have found most helpful this first month of parenthood.  Registering is so overwhelming in terms of which brand or model of a particular item to register for.  I've found myself wishing I'd registered for this instead of that already many times.  But I've also found myself wishing for wants instead of needs.  That will have to be a whole other post, but today I have items that made our lives much easier with our sweet peanut.  

White Noise!!!  The HoMdedics Lullaby Sound Machine is what we currently have and it plays all night long and also when I can get him to take a nap in his sleeper.  White noise is a life saver!  I read over and over again how white noise mimics what babies hear in the womb, and how essential it is to recreate a womb-like environment for them so they feel comforted.  This also projects lights onto the ceiling at night which Nathan loves as he falls asleep.  We have white noise everywhere!  Our swing plays it, and an app on my phone comes in so handy when we are out of the house.  Calms him down instantly! 

I absolutely LOVE the ErgoBaby!  And a huge thanks to sweet Katie for letting us borrow her infant insert!  The Ergo is so easy to put on once you adjust it to you, and Nathan falls asleep in it instantly.  I love to wear him when we go out of the house, it is my life saver.  We also have a wrap that I use when we are at home, although he is starting to not like that as much. 

At about two weeks old Nathan started get very congested at night and it was definitely affecting his sleep and ours.  We had many aspirators (huge bulbs) that the hospital gave us, and even after the pediatrician showed us how to get a good suction out of it we still resort to using our Nose Frida.  At first this grossed the husband out thinking that baby snot would end up near him.  However we quickly realized how much more effective this was compared to the huge bulbs the doctors give you to get their noses clean.  I love this because you can see what you're getting out to know if there is more up in their tiny noses.  The Nose Frida is definitely the way to go! 

When Nathan was having his bout with nighttime congestion, he had such a hard time sleeping on his back.  We have the Arms Reach CoSleeper next to our bed, but we found ourselves constantly pulling him in bed with us as he would wake up from all of the congestion.  My girlfriend let me borrow her Rock N' Play and he has loved it the minute we put him in it!  It is so compact that we can take it with us to our parents' house, fold it up to save space in our bedroom, or travel with it.  It's inclined which helps with the congestion and it snuggles the babies' sides so he's not sleeping flat on his back.  We will definitely be buying our own when #2 comes around.  He has slept amazingly since the first time we put him in it! 

Swaddlers are a life saver!  We personally love the Aden and Anais blankets to swaddle Nathan in, but no matter how tight we tried one of his arms always broke loose.  So we quickly jumped onto Amazon and order the Summer Infant SwaddleMe pack.  These.  Babies.  Work.  Nathan doesn't break out of them and it keeps him nice and tight to have the sweetest dreams! 

And lastly, a wipe warmer definitely comes in handy.  We didn't register for this because we didn't think we would need it.  After my grandma changed one of his diapers in the hospital she decided he needed one for comfort sake.  I'm so glad she picked one up for us because it has made the diaper changing experience much more pleasant! 

10 random facts about me

My mind has been in a pretty random state lately, so I though that I'd share 10 random facts about me I bet you didn't know….

1. I grew up on 8.5 acres where we had goats and chickens, along with 2 dogs and a cat.  Sadly, I was not the animal loving person like my sister was.  However, I do think it is pretty cool that we had fresh eggs all of the time.  And yes, when the wind blew a certain direction you definitely could smell the animals.

2. I have a huge fear of needles!  So much so that when I had to get blood drawn for the first time when I was 22…yes 22…my mom came with me and we sang the "ABC" song in order to get me through it.   No shame. 

3. The most adventurous place I've ever been to is Costa Rica.  I went right after I graduated college with my two girlfriends and it was the trip of a lifetime.

4. I loathe reality TV.  

5. I have a total of 3 step-sisters, 1 step-brother, 2 half-sisters, and it is very complicated to share who we all belong to. 

6. I've broken both of my arms, and believe it or not they were bike riding jump and roller skating accidents.  I'm a wuss, and I always have been.  So it shocks me a bit that I ever attempted a bike jump when I was younger.  That's probably why I broke my arm!

7. I was accepted into Teach for America when I first got married.  This was a dream come true for me, as it is very difficult to get in.  However, once we figured out where they wanted me to teach at we soon realized how it wasn't the best plan for our family at the time so I turned it down.  The upside is that no more than a week later I was offered a job at my current school. 

8. I'm graying!!!  The gray hairs are officially sprouting up all over, and I'm currently trying to embrace them instead of color my hair.  Let's see how long that lasts :) 

9. I'm still afraid of the dark.  When we go to bed I will crawl into bed with a light on and Daniel, being the amazing man he is, will always get up and turn the light off for us.  

10. I count all of the time.  I count the number of steps I take when I walk and could tell you how many stairs there are at a given place.  

ugly mom tears

Ugly tears.  I think we all can relate to that term.  You know when you're crying, and it's an ugly cry-there's mascara running down your face, your face is a big hot mess, and when you look in the mirror all you can do is shriek at the disaster looking back at you.

I've cried many ugly tears.  No shame.  Whether it be over big things or little things, ugly tears are no stranger in our household.

Well, there's a new term that I'm adopting due to this new phase of life I am not in.  Ugly mom tears.  These are ugly tears, but the reason for your crying is due to the fact that you're now a mom.

Daniel went back to work last week, and it was the first time that I experienced ugly mom tears.  All of a sudden Nathan became a pro at fighting sleep.  He started crying and screaming, arching his back, and this would last at least thirty minutes at a time.  Of course this had to happen right when Daniel went back to work.  On Saturday night I finally had him to sleep for the night, set him down in his bed, and no more than five minutes later his cries told me otherwise.  So I picked him up and started rocking him.  This didn't work, so I rocked and shushed him.  This still didn't work so I was left with a screaming baby now who was inconsolable.  It seemed like no matter how much rocking, shushing, swinging, swaying I did he wouldn't calm down.  Bring on the ugly mom tears.  He was crying, I was crying.  These cries turned into sobs, learning me a big ol' hot mess alone in our bedroom.  Eventually he calmed down and fell asleep, just in time for Daniel to come home from work.  Mascara was all over my face, my eyes were puffy, and he walked in the door and said, "So how was your day?"  This only provoked more ugly mom tears.

Now let's jump to the next day.  Fortunately there were no ugly mom tears, but if I wasn't in public there more definitely would have been.  And I share this story to show that things are perfect around our household or with me, and to also show that you truly can look back on a situation and laugh even though you told yourself you never would.

I met up with a dear friend of mine at Target.  She needed to get some things for an upcoming trip, and I just wanted a good Target browse session for nothing in particular.  This Target is massive, two stories tall.  Nathan was in his stroller, and he had slept on the way there but woke up as soon as we arrived.  He was content until we got upstairs in the middle of the store, when he started to wail.  I tried soothing him with his pacifier, which he refused to take.  His crying was getting louder and louder so I picked him up out of the stroller only to find out that we needed an immediate diaper change, it was bad.  His crying didn't stop as we made our way over to the elevator and to the restroom.  This felt like the longest walk of my life, as I held a baby over one shoulder and pushed a stroller with the other…mind you the baby was still screaming.

On the changing table I soon found out that we just had THE biggest blowout of all time.  I'll save you the gross details, just now that it was a disaster.  After using every last wipe I had and carefully rolling his outfit into itself as to keep the rest of his body clean, I got him changed and all cleaned up.  He still screamed!  So I decided to quickly check out and head to the car to feed him.  Of course the lines are backed up and I was not that girl with the crying baby.  I was doing everything I possibly could to calm him down and he just wouldn't stop.  By this point my face was red, I was sweating profusely and I just wanted to sit down in the middle of Target and "whip it out" so that he would stop.  My cashier quickly noticed that I needed to get out of there and was even patting Nathan's back while I paid.  Oh dear.  The good part of the story is that we eventually made our way to the car where I was able to nurse Nathan, solving our screaming fiasco.

I know that this will only be one of many fiascos for me in public with a screaming child, so I better get used to it.  The good side is that I can now look back on it and laugh a bit…a tiny bit.  I'm still afraid to go to that Target in case someone recognizes me as the lady with a screaming baby who couldn't calm him down.

Ugly mom tears are going to happen, and they will probably happen more now as I learn to adapt to Daniel being gone at work.  Babies change so much day to day, and I'm learning that giving myself grace takes on a whole new meaning as a new mom.  So if you have had an ugly mom tear moment, I hope that you can laugh it off now and love yourself even more for surviving it!

ditching the scale

As women, we all face the that nasty topic.  You know what I'm talking about.  Body image.

We weigh ourselves, compare ourselves, tell ourselves that we aren't good enough with the way that we are, and sometimes go to extremes to meet these "goals" that are completely acceptable to us.

This is something I've always dealt with.  I don't think I ever really felt comfortable in my skin.  In middle school I was bigger, more developed, and already began telling myself the lie that my body wasn't good enough.  This lie built and built as I went into high school and throughout college.  It probably wasn't until I was married that I finally felt comfortable with who I was and the shape that I was.  Fortunately I loved food way too much to go to extremes to change my body.  Plus, I learned how to exercise and finally (not over night) accepted that being fit didn't mean skinny but healthy.

I always had a fear of the weight gain during pregnancy.  My mom would admonish me whenever I would tell her my nightmares of blowing up like an elephant.  And I wasn't even pregnant yet.  So when I got pregnant I realized I needed to do something so that I kept a healthy mindset throughout it.  I didn't want to be stressed with a number that I needed to lose after having the baby and I also didn't want to beat myself up when my body was doing the most beautiful thing-making life.

With that I decided to not know how much I weighed during my pregnancy.  It is doable!  I would turn around and face away from the numbers on the scale and politely let my nurse know I didn't want to know my weight.  When they printed up my paperwork, I soon figured out that my weight was printed on it!  So then I started asking my nurse to use sharpie over it so I couldn't see it.  I know that I must've sounded silly and crazy, but my nurses quickly caught on and began to remember, and most importantly- I wasn't kicking myself or hating on my body.  I watched as my body stretched and grew in places it had never before.  There were days that I wasn't happy with my body, but I would quickly remind myself that it was doing something amazing and deserved to be praised not hated.

After Nathan arrived I was going for a walk around the neighborhood and was thinking about this weight issue that we as woman go through.  I've come a very long way mentally to accept my body, even my pregnant body, and I suddenly decided that I still loved my body.  This postpartum body of mine shows the marks that provided life for another and created a beautifully healthy baby.  And that should be praised!

For me, I'd rather base how I feel about my weight on how my clothes feel and how I feel.  The scale has this gloomy association, creating a sense of fear.  So why not free ourselves from this fear and not weigh ourselves?  This doesn't mean "let our bodies go" and live an unhealthy lifestyle.  This means find what healthy looks like for you, find pieces of your body you love and focus on them, and listen to how your body feels in your clothes instead of living for a number.

Now, just to show you how human I am I have to share with you how I didn't live this out this week.  At my follow up appointment this week I thought I'd actually look at the scale.  You know, just to see where I was at since having the baby.  I wasn't actually pretty happy with the number, but I didn't know what to compare it to since I hadn't been weighing myself throughout my pregnancy and even leading up to it.  So when I got home, I jumped onto the computer and looked up my past visit reports and found my weight pre-baby and for my first appointment.  Yes I did.  And instantly my mind was flooded with disappointment and anxiety because now I knew how much weight I needed to lose to be back to my "pre-baby" body.  How terrible this was!  This is exactly what I didn't want to happen, and here I was undoing everything I had done.

We are all human and we will have moments when the number takes over our minds and brings us down.  And there are moments when we live for more than the number and accept and love our bodies for what they create and do.  So, if you are struggling with your body image by any means I urge you to ditch the scale and remember that the number does not define you!

one month

We are a little late, but Nathan turned one month old on Saturday!  I'm still having a hard time typing that sentence.  How did this past month fly by so fast?!?  It is very true that they grow so fast right before your eyes.  

In one month we have learned how to love and nurture this precious baby that we prayed for.  It still amazes me that he is really here.  You pray and wait for so long, wondering what they will look like, who they will take after, how they will act, and when they are finally here it still takes a while to sink in.  My absolute favorite part of our day is in the mornings when Nathan wakes up and I'm chaining his diaper telling him "good morning".  He is so smiley and happy, and we just talk and goo at one another.  

Nathan is a champ at eating and has had no problem at all gaining weight!  Right at three weeks he weighed 9 lbs 5 oz, so I can only imagine how much he weighs now. 

Nathan loves:

baths

a tight swaddle

his soothie

big bounces

sleeping at night in his rock n' play

going for long walks in his stroller 

his swing

his changing table

Oh, and he is really good at fighting sleep tooth and nail.  Especially around 9pm when we are exhausted wishing he would fall asleep and stay asleep.  

It was a sad day when his newborn clothes no longer fit him.  That same day we had to adjust the straps in his car seat, and also move him to size 1 diapers.  Sniff! 

I'd love to say that he is fallen into a nice sleep schedule but every day is different.  There are days when he eats every three hours and falls asleep pretty well after feeding or after a little bit of play time on his mat.  There are other days when he wants to eat every 2 hours and just throws us all for a loop.  At night he is beginning to go about 4-6 hours between his first and second feeding, and then eats every three hours after that.  I must say that he is an angel at nights and falls right back to sleep after eating. 

He is so good when we get out of the house and usually sleeps beautifully when we wear him in the Ergo.   

And because I can't get enough of him, here is a photo dump of our little guy...