Well, we had a baby. And because it was the biggest accomplishment of our lives, and the most emotional experience I have ever gone through, it is only necessary to write a very long blog post about it for all to read. Nathan's birth is indescribable at some points, very emotional, and something I hope to never forget in my entire life. It was beautiful, to say the least, and utterly happened by the grace of God. God truly had his hand throughout our entire conception and pregnancy, so it is only natural that the Author of our lives continues to show up in our birthing time. So grab a cup of joe and get comfy…
Monday we had our first non-stress test in the morning. At this point I was 40 weeks 5 days, and we were pretty anxious to see what the doctor had to say. My nurse noticed immediately that my fluid levels were low. Low enough that she started prepping me mentally for induction. They hooked me up to the monitors to measure Nathan's heartbeat, and even though it was within the average range, it still seemed low to me. I willed my body to have a contraction as I was on the monitors to see how he responded to them, but we had no such luck. My doctor decided to have me stay home all day, drink as much water as possible, and rest up. I had another NST schedule Tuesday at 1:30pm, and if my levels were any lower than I would need to be induced. So I rested all day long, and had a very strange feeling of peace about our situation. I was mentally preparing myself for induction, even though we really wanted a natural birth. Baby was most important!
Monday night around 7pm I started to feel contractions! They would come about every 25-30 minutes and were lasting, and I was pretty excited that I was finally having some contractions. We were trying to not get too ahead of ourselves, and were still planning on going to the doctor's appointment the following day.
Tuesday I woke up at 1:30am from the contractions, tried to toss for a bit and eventually got out of bed so Daniel could get some rest. I started timing them, and they were about 6-7 minutes apart. They were bearable, and I decided that now was the perfect time to take a shower and slowly start getting ready. I was able to relax through the contractions, continued tracking them on my phone, and fell in love with the birth ball. It because my best friend. I called labor & delivery and they didn't want me to come in until contractions were 3 minutes apart. By 8am they were anywhere from 3.5-5 minutes apart, and by 9am we decided that it was best to just go to the hospital given that my fluids were low. We weren't sure how long labor was going to take. Daniel prayed over us before we left, we grabbed our bags and headed out the door.
We got checked in and I was 3cm dilated, and they measured my fluids. They were much lower from the day before so they automatically admitted me versus making me walk around downstairs until I was at 4cm. Enter my nurse: Nicole, aka My Sweet Guardian Angel. She came in, introduced herself to us, and asked us our birth plan. She was super supportive of a natural birth and using Hypno Birthing, and ended up coaching us through our labor. I was on the monitors for 20 minutes every hour, and was given a saline lock vs. an IV (this allows them to insert an IV at any time). For the first three hours, when I wasn't on the monitors we were walking around the hospital. Nicole told me to walk through the contractions, and even sway a bit, to help the baby come down into my pelvis. We didn't time the contractions, but they were getting stronger and I was able to breathe through them and relax into them like hypnobirthing taught me to. But there was a point where I asked Daniel, "when is active labor going to kick in?" and I started feeling a bit frustrated.
At 2:30pm I prayed that my water would break and that active labor would kick in. My midwife came in to check me, I was 5cm dilated, 100% affaced, and my water broke! Talk about an answer to prayers. We were in active labor! Contractions were now much stronger, and were coming every 2-3 minutes. My hypnobirthing tracks were playing in the room the entire time, and this was a blessing. It calmed everyone down, and my nurses even commented how relaxed they felt listening to them. Through each pressure wave (contraction) I repeated "release, release, release" and would focus on my body relaxing through the pain instead of seizing up. When I wasn't on the monitors, I was on the birth ball and even took a hot shower to get some relief between the pain.
At 5pm, my midwife came in to check me again but I declined as I didn't want to be discouraged if I hadn't progressed enough. The pressure waves were growing stronger, and I just kept breathing through the pain. Daniel was amazing through the entire time. When he wasn't rubbing my back, he was repeating "release" over and over to me, and supporting me through the entire time. Throughout the entire time I was able to stay in my zone, and didn't even notice when people would come in and out of my room. The pain and pressure were definitely starting to take their toll on me and I kept wondering how much longer this was going to be. At 6pm, my midwife checked me and I was 7cm and by 7pm I was at 8pm. This is where things got very intense.
Mind you, there was no medication used at all during this time. I could feel everything. And transitional labor became my breaking point. The contractions were so painful, the worst pain of my entire life, and all of the techniques I had been using to release through the pressure vanished quickly. The contractions were coming so fast and so strong that I couldn't catch my breath, get a break, or feel a release. I honestly did not know what to do with my body, and I found myself moaning to cope with the pain. I hated being on the monitors as the bed was very uncomfortable at this point. Sitting on the birth ball wasn't helping either, and the pain would not let up. My mom would be putting warm washcloths on the back of my neck and Daniel would be pushing on my lower back very hard. I found myself clenched over a trashcan and finally said, "Why did I do this?". Why did I choose natural child birth? I honestly didn't think I was going to make it through the pain because it was so strong.
The pressure was getting more and more intense down there, and I was asking my nurses when it was going to be time to push. They told me I would know when it was time, that it would feel like you needed to poop, and your body would tell you that it was time. By this point I hit a wall. The pain was still so intense, and I just didn't think I was going to make it through it. So I decided to try a hot shower one more time to help things along. This was at 8pm. I got into the shower, moaning through the entire process and telling Daniel that I couldn't do this anymore. He reassured me that I could, that I was almost there. And then the hot water hit me, and the release that I had been dying for finally came. The pain finally melted away, and my body finally got a break. I could breathe and I remember looking right into Daniel's eyes and saying, "I'm back in control". We even joked a bit and Daniel called me a water buffalo (inside pregnancy joke). And then the pain and pressure were back and I didn't know what to do with my body. I found myself on my hands and knees in the shower, moaning, begging myself not to push. Honestly, I wanted to have that baby in that shower, and I kept wondering if it was time to push. My shower ended up being 45 minutes long, but it felt like 15 to me. We didn't know it at the time, but my nurse had come in three times ready for me to push, and let me finish in the shower instead.
When we got out of the shower, I laid back onto the bed and then my body started shaking uncontrollably. My nurses reassured me that these were "labor shakes" and to let my body shake. I was in so much pain and now by body was shaking, and I had another break down as I asked the nurse if there was anything they could give me. I was ready for some drug. The nurse looked at me and told me it was time to push and the thought of any drugs vanished, it was time! And as much as I wanted to, I was extremely scared to push . I grabbed the railing and said, "But I don't know how to push my baby out!" almost crying at this point. They reassured me, and positioned me. Daniel had one foot and my mom had the other. As they counted to ten I held my breath and pushed as hard as I thought that I could. It felt terrible and so uncomfortable. I didn't feel like anything was happening and it just wasn't clicking for me. They kept looking at the monitors to watch Nathan's heart beat, which was dropping but I didn't know it at the time. Honestly, there was so much going on and I only could see Daniel, my mom, and my midwife through everything. Finally someone said to push like I was doing a really hard sit up. For some reason that clicked with me, and the head was far enough where I could feel it. That was my saving grace, and I willed myself to push like my life depended on it. I remember pushing so hard four more times and then all of a sudden, the most amazing and magical thing happened that still brings me to tears. Nathan was out, he was placed on my chest, and all of the pain was gone. All of the pain from the last 20 hours was gone, and my body felt this amazing release that is indescribable. Nathan was here, on my chest, crying, and he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Nathan was born at 9:11pm, ("just in time for our tax break" Daniel jokes). All in all, I pushed for 20 minutes.
The emotion that overcame me was surreal. Seeing our son here, so healthy and strong. And I looked up into Daniel's eyes and we instantly felt complete. My body instantly became pretty numb and I didn't feel much that was going on, which I am forever grateful for. Nathan cried on my chest and I just kept talking to him and stared at him in awe of how absolutely perfect he was.
There are parts of our delivery that I still don't remember because I was so focused on getting through the pain. Daniel has filled me in on some details, and we keep talking about it in awe of how the body works and how God answers prayers. Once Nathan was here I was immediately hit with this euphoric adrenaline and I couldn't believe that he was really here, that labor was really over, and that I really did it with no drugs.
After giving birth I can honestly say that any woman, no matter how you deliver, deserves an award for what they go through. Just carrying a child for 9 months and living in a manner that makes that baby grow so healthy is amazing and is to be praised. Our natural birth was something we decided we wanted for us, and I can honestly say that I am so glad we chose that path and were able to see it through. I loved the freedom to walk around, stand up, and be in the shower. Nathan was so alert when he was born and he even latched on within the first hour. We are able to look back and see so many blessings through our birth story because we chose the natural route.
Daniel and I are so in love with Nathan. More than I ever thought possible. And I am more and more in love with Daniel. He was my support system and partner through the entire process. He never left my side, and looking into his eyes after our son was here is something I will never forget in my entire life. There were specific points within our labor that Daniel would make sure the room was all to ourselves and he would pray over us, and he continued to be the spiritual leader for us. There are no words to describe how amazing he was, is, and continues to be!
