about a boy

The other day as I was changing Nathan, he reached up and grabbed my face.  At first he was gentle and then he began pinching, poking, and slapping it.  Of course I was excited because a. he was grabbing things!  Huge developmental leap! b. he was discovering me, my face, my features, and noticing things for the very first time. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought that I would most definitely have a girl.  Most of this is due to the fact that my mom and I have a very close relationship.  It was what I knew and was familiar with.  The thought of having a boy actually scared me a bit.  The week before our appointment to find out the gender, I had a dream that the Mr. and I had adopted a boy who was toddler-aged.  I saw us relaxed, at peace, and having a ball.  When the image popped up on the screen showing Nathan was, in deed, a boy I instantly knew it was going to be this amazing ride. 

I've heard from moms of boys that they will love you so much.  And I can already feel this sweet goodness deep inside whenever Nathan looks at me, smiles, coos, babbles, and just melts my heart.  

Boys seemed messy to me.  And I was so nervous that it would send me into a dizzy having a boy.  But the biggest life lesson I learned even before Nathan was here is to surrender it all, give each day up, and enjoy the moments, not the to-dos.  Each day I have to remind myself this.  To soak up each memory with Nathan.  To take mental images of his sweet little expressions.  To bask in the discoveries he makes each day.

And, let me tell you-words can't even come close to expressing how good this feels. 

Motherhood is a crazy adventure, full of self-doubts, breakdowns, millions of selfless acts.  But it stretches your heart in ways you never knew it could.  Tears sting my eyes just thinking about this little boy, the way he has taught me to accept myself and give myself grace, to look at life with compassion and love, to pour myself out on a daily basis.  

Each late night feeding, too-early morning wake-up, spit up mess, dirty diaper, and fussy baby meltdown….it is worth it.  It is so good.  And it's a journey that I'm so amazed by everyday and look at with adoration.  

a weekend of firsts

Take me back to the weekend!  Well, specifically Saturday.  It was a jam-packed family day filled so many firsts for our little bug. 

I went to a running group Saturday morning in Encinitas and convinced the Mr. to bring himself and the babe to me afterwards.  Best decision ever.  The weather was absolutely gorgeous, the sky was crystal clear…and someone doesn't need their infant carseat in the stroller anymore!  After our pediatrician visit last week, we got the green light to put him in the stroller (probably because my kid is a giant!).  At first I was a bit worried Nathan wouldn't be a fan.  As per usual Nathan style, he is hunky-dory with everything.  He loved being in the stroller and seeing the world from a different view.  I love how much lighter it is!  

We had our first family trip to the beach for a couple hours.  Nathan even went in the water and didn't scream or cry.  Does this mean he likes it?  Well, he didn't smile but I'll take that any day over a sad baby.  The Mr. is really hoping we have a water baby on our hands since I am not a fan of going into the ocean water.  

Nathan also tried baby cereal for the first time.  Ok, I'm so conflicted over foods for babies right now….there's Baby Led Weaning people who would highly disagree with giving him baby cereal, and then there's me who wants to give my child whole goods.  I did purchase an organic brand that used whole brown rice instead of enriched white rice.  I think it was more for the experience sake.  He took it pretty quickly, but then spit it all back up.  Right now I'm in no rush to move things along!  I will say that he is one neat eater, and totally goes after that spoon-he just loves to eat.  

To end our amazing fun-filled day, we went to our first Padres game as a family of three.  We just so happened to have the perfect outfit to put him in, plus a fedora and shades.  Let's just say that he was the talk of the game.  Girls were swooning over him left and right, and I can't blame them.  He is one super cute kid.  Nathan did so well at the game, which called my anxious mama heart. 

I literally can't wait to see what new adventures we will journey on soon! 

nathan james: 4 months

At first I wished Nathan would stay little forever.  They should really warn you that the tiny baby stage does not last long. at. all.  But any sadness over the fact that he is growing so quickly quickly went away after his little personality started to show through.  He is just the cutest and funniest…and yes, I know I'm biased.  Goodness, he is so interactive and right now he is at this stage where he discovers something new each day.  Like his toes.  Don't you wish you looked at your toes like a baby does?!?  

Growing// At our appointment yesterday he weighed in at 16 lbs. 8 oz. and is 25 inches long.  I think he is finally starting to get some length on him, and that buddha belly of his is finally slimming down a bit.  Whenever we would put pants on him, that belly of his would just protrude out over the top.  Pants are overrated at this point!  His hair is growing in, too, nice and thick like mommy's.  It is still so crazy to look back at pictures of when he was first born and how much he has changed since then.  Nathan is finally started to enjoy tummy time and doesn't roll over as often now.  He pushes up like a champ, and when he is on his back he is starting to roll to the side.  

Eating & Sleeping// This is a touchy topic, mainly for me.  Our great nighttime sleeper is not in our house any longer.  He has hit a huge regression in his sleep.  At night he has been waking up 2-3 times, and it's mainly due to gassy issues.  He also loves to be up and running way earlier than before.  Fortunately, in the last week he has finally decided napping can be his thing.  He's beginning to fall into a 3-nap a day rhythm (even if they're only 30-45 minutes).  Nathan loves to eat, and is taking the bottle great while mommy works.  Although, he is not as hungry in the morning as he used to be.  We are going to start him on baby cereal this next week as recommended by our pediatrician and I just can't wait to video that experience! 

Loving// Goodness, Nathan loves a lot!  He loves daddy-especially when daddy bounces him on the bed or holds him upside down (giving mommy a mini-heart attack).  He loves when you sing to him, and is a new fan on "Old Mc Donald". Toes!  He discovered that he has feet in the last week, and now his legs are long enough that he can reach them!  His hands are still a favorite, but he's more likely to grab his feet when laying down.  He loves kisses and being tickled right under his chin.  Nathan just started to grasp toys, and some of his favorites are Sophie and his "lovey".  He's also loving sitting in his bumbo while mommy makes dinner.  

Loathing// Gas.  But who really likes gas?!?  It wakes him up in the middle of the night and he lets us know he is not a fan!   Lately he hasn't been liking his Ergo as well as he used to, unless he is super tired.