one word check-in

It is a common practice in my life groups to do a "one word check-in" before we get going.  We go around and give a word to describe what we are coming with, or how our week is going so far.  I know it's coming all week long, and when it's time to actually give my word I'm always at a loss for words because there are numerous appropriate words in my head.  Well, this morning I planned to write a little update on how our life is going but one word just wouldn't get out of my head:

tired

I. am. so. tired. 

This new rhythm of life has been taking a while to adjust to.  Working along with being a wife and mom has been truly draining these last two weeks, and my emotions are all over the place.  But at this point I think that I'm so tired that my emotions are numbed out.  Yesterday as I was driving home I thought to myself, "If I could close my eyes right now I may never wake up".  Good thing that didn't happen!  And then I remembered the good ol' college days where I wondered how my body would ever get used to 5 hours of sleep while juggling classes, working, and life.  Miraculously, it did and I got through it.  When Nathan was an infant I remembered being so shocked at how quickly my body adapted to all of the interrupted sleep at night with his feedings.  I know that I'll adjust, we will adjust, and that I won't feel so incredibly tired one day.  That day might be when our kids are grown and off at college.  But I guess the beautiful thing in life is that it's worth being tired for.  This little family of mine, and memories we are making, and the love I have for them-it's worth it.  

However, the struggle is real.  It's a daily struggle between cleaning/cooking/chores and relaxing for a bit at night.  My husband must've known I so desperately needed him this week because he ended up having a random weekday off, sent Nathan to daycare for a bit, and cleaned the whole house.  

On Sunday Nathan's nap was a bit rough, and he ended up sleeping on me for an hour.  The internal struggle between putting him back in his crib so I could clean and plopping on the couch with him and watching an episode of Parenthood was so hard.  Fortunately, I chose the latter.  And look, the work still got done!  Nathan rarely sleeps on me, so I know that I have to savor those moments when they do happen.  I feel as though I have to base my self-worth on how clean and organized my house is, if my laundry is done, how healthy I'm cooking, or how many times I'm working out (more to come on that).  Daily I have to remind myself that these things do not state who I am as a person.  But it is a daily reminder I have to keep telling myself.  

I share this not to whine or complain because there are so many moms out there doing the exact same thing with more on their plate, more mouths to feed, more mess to pick up.  I share because this mama community has gotten me through life so far, and I want to add a little nugget of vulnerability and truth to where life is at.  I'm forever thankful for my "Mama Tribe" of moms, working or not, who are my backbone to finding balance in life, bring peace to chaos, and understanding in all these new baby unknowns.