a flood of change

I'm fairly certain that we are in a winter.  Although the degrees keep climbing upwards, and I've worn every skirt and dress in my closet too many times while giving my boots in the corner a longing glance.  Summer ended abruptly, and winter took over our lives without even giving fall a chance.  So many things have changed over the course of these last three weeks, and I keep wondering when we are going to get a breather, a break, a chance to sit back for a moment and take inventory on what is going on.  

I recently changed jobs, and this rocked my world.  I've always wanted to be a reading specialist, and ended up landing the job I so desired for.  After hitting a couple bouts of disappointment I was floored when I got the call.  This meant leaving my small school that I've taught at for the last five years behind.  My heart wished I could do both, but the truth was that I knew the reading specialist position would be a better choice for my family and relieve some stress that comes with teaching.  Everything happened so fast so in a matter of three days, I packed up one room and set up a new one with a new career.  There's been a number of challenges, but along the way there have been bits and pieces of beautiful moments in my new job that help me see this is where God wants me.

Now, let's not forget that we have a baby!  When I went back to work after having Nathan I was able to work three days, and now I'm full-time.  Holy moly!  How on earth do families do it?  My schedule basically involves pumping, cleaning, showering, pumping, driving, more driving, more pumping, emails, diaper changes, pumping, tummy time, nursing, and let's squeeze some sleep in at the end.  I'm quickly learning that I can't do everything I was able to do before, and I'm squeezing in time to cook dinner at night because that's my release.  But I'm desperately in need of some quick and easy recipes that don't make a huge pile of dishes in my sink!  Nighttimes involve putting Nathan to bed and then tackling dishes, packing lunches, preparing bottles and a diaper bag, and figuring out when I'll ever have time to do emails.   Or date my husband!  

Now would also be the perfect time for our little Nathan to be fussy and needy as well, and it just breaks my heart.  Coming home from work to a crying baby sends me into huge "mama guilt" where I think "If I was just home with him then this wouldn't happen".  That is, of course, irrational.  Nevertheless, he's changing and teething and giving us quite a scare along the way.  The other night he woke up with a terrible cry that he had never made before, was grunting, and his breathing was labored.  I cried, Daniel paced back and forth as we called both moms to get opinions, and after much thought we decided to take him to the ER since his breathing was just not right.  Fortunately, his breathing improved while we were there and his fever subsided as well.  They didn't find anything wrong with him, and even though he's returning to his happy self, there's still something that isn't quite right with him and it's been a challenge.  I will mention, though, that his neediness is something I'm soaking in because it isn't very often that he slows down and just lays his head on your chest.  

One day Nathan will be a bit easier, changes will subside, I'll figure out the magic potion to getting everything done while spending time with my family, and we'll go on a date.  Until that day comes, I'm trying to laugh off the little things!