real talk: words within marriage

Be good.

I remember my mom telling my brother, sister, and I this when I was little.

It was like a blanket to cover all offenses.

Be good...

I've always been good, done everything right, got the grades, took the job, followed directions, lived the plan.  And lately, my perception of what "good" is has been really transformed.

One of this summer's blessings has been the development of She Reads Truth.  If you haven't jumped on the band wagon yet, I urge you to stop reading-like now-and head over HERE!

She Reads Truth has helped me actually do a devotional and stick with it, and I love waking up each morning excited to read my bible.  It takes the guesswork out of where to begin, and it has really helped me to open my mind to what God is trying to teach me.

Our current devotion is through the book of Proverbs.  To some it seems like a ton of fragmented commandments of how to "be good".  It felt a lot like that to me up until now.  Now that I'm actually reading it in its entirety, letting the chapters add onto one another, I'm opening myself up to what I need to really focus on and change.

"The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence." 

-Prov. 10:11

"Like a gold rind in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion." 

-Prov. 11:22

"Whoever guards his mouth preserves life; he who opens wide his comes comes to ruin."

-Prov. 13:3

Can you tell what God is trying to teach me, yet???

I always thought that I was good with my words, and then I got married.  Being married has really shown me who I am and where my faults lie.  My husband's main love language is words of affirmation.

(Side note: I'm being brave, honest, and open here.  I'm letting you in on one of my weaknesses, knowing that authenticity here on the blog is something that matters to me greatly.)

I learned this quickly and tried to add to my speech and encourage my husband, tell him why I appreciate it, give him praise, and be specific.  I thought I had it down, just add something onto what I already did.  What I've realized through the book of Proverbs is that I don't guard my words with my husband at times, and take it for granted.  I know that I'm human and hopefully am not the only one who realizes this as well.  I took what I was saying to my husband and tried to add onto it by telling him when he did something nice, or why I appreciated him.  The speech that had a tendency to cut cold would still sneak up-counter acting ways I was trying to affirm him.

As I was talking to my husband about this, who was so loving and caring about my newfound knowledge, I realized that God was telling me I need to change the way that I speak to my husband, not just add to it.  True change is looking at how I talk to him, identifying where I'm not guarding my speech and letting emotions take over, and changing that!  Not adding words of kindness onto angry or hurtful words, trying to use it as a bandaid.  But truly loving my husband through my words.