the secret of contentment

Yesterday I found myself at my pool, all by my lonesome self, reading.  As the hot sun blazed down on me and my sweaty palms fingered through the pages I found a sense of myself that had been missing.  Contentment.  I've never been one to just go places by myself, excluding the usual errands and such.  The pool is a place you go with friends or your husband, just like the beach.  Going by myself felt foreign and it made me uncomfortable to think about it.  But as I packed up my little pool bag and started walking to the pool, my self confidence started to perk up a bit.  It was like I was telling myself, "You can do this".  It seems rather silly, but when you find yourself with a lot of downtime at random hours of the day you just have to realize that there is no one there that will hold your hand and go with you to the pool.

And so I went to the pool, and I read, and I loved every minute of it.

I've realized in the past couple years that I am an anxiety-proned person.  On a scale from 1-10 I'd rate myself a 3-4 on most days, a 5-6 when school and work are in full force, and a 9 about three times a year.  In order to cope I've been taught to take more "self time".  It is just what it sounds like.  Time for yourself.  Whether that be reading a blog of my choosing, swinging at the park, getting a pedicure, or going to the pool all by myself to get lost in a book.

A verse that teaches about anxiety is Philippians 4:6
"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."


This past week at church we had a guest speaker who spoke on contentment.  We read through Phil. 4:1-13, and God's word started jumping off the page at me, finally sinking in.   You see, verse 6 is good, but it always left me with HOW.  HOW am I not supposed to be anxious, God?  HOW will praying help me overcome it?

" I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity.11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me."


As I actually read past verse 6 I realized that there was an example.  Paul had been brought low, he had been put in jail, and yet he found contentment.  I struggled through a week of car troubles and a bad attitude and was not content.  What was I missing?

Here are some of the big points that really struck me that I've been brought back to each day this week:

-living our lives comparing and competing leads me to believe that I'm not where I'm supposed to be


-live for the NOW, and let God shine in this moment and in this season, now what's to come


-contentment is an inner virtue, it is not contingent on what is happening in our lives and outside of us but what's going on in our heart 


-capture my thoughts and fix them on what is good, noble, and pure


-rejoice always, don't just count your blessings.  

Each day is a little story that makes up my life.  I can choose to look at where I'm not at, what I don't have, and what's not going right.  But when I do this, I'm not content and therefore anxious.  When I surrender each day and push myself to see the beauty in each day, my whole attitude changes and shifts.  There is a gift we are given each and every day, and I have found that I am often looking for the gift in the days to come and push today to the side.  Each day is a short story that makes up the bigger picture in life.